Fictitious Stars of Hollywood

Apr 28, 2006

X-Men: The Last Stand reaches theatres May 26 and so, it seems appropriate to reflect on the most powerful TV or movie characters of all time.

We're examining appearance; charisma; box office returns/ratings; and emotional availability. The latter knocks Jessica Rabbit and Lara Croft from the running.

You can bet that paparazzi would swarm these fictitious celebrities if they wandered through Hollywood one afternoon.

This voluptuous, err, flabby villain foiled Austin Powers, the International Man of Mystery, several times, leaving him floaters and bedding Heather Graham. Her career hasn't recovered but Mike Myer's F.B. introduced many phrases into our lexicon: "I'm fat because I can't stop eating and I can't stop eating because I'm fat." For that, we salute him.

Wolverine kicks butt in comic books as well as the action-figure, video, and film industries. According to an interview with Brett Ratner (Men's Health, May), director of the final installment of the X-Men trilogy, this long-awaited feature is going to have "a lot of sexual tension." If nothing else, we hope this means Logan will take his shirt off for most of the film.

My sister's Grade 4 class loves him and uses Bart-isms everyday so this list would have been incomplete without him. Though Bart is a brat, he is also the star of the longest-running animated show in TV history - 16 seasons and counting - and syndicated. Matt Groening's weekly TV staple just gets funnier and funnier.

For 30 years, he's been the disturbed (and disturbing) central figure of Star Wars, George Lucas' universally popular sci-fi myth. Even though Episode III: A Lost Hope was a dud and Anakin Skywalker was merely snooze-worthy, the grown up Darth Vader has helped generate billions of dollars in merchandise. Plus, we never get tired of hearing his crackly voice exhaling the words, "Luuuuke. I. Am. Your. Father."

Five actors have tried (with the sixth, Daniel Craig coming in November) but so few have managed to fully incarnate Bond, James Bond, except for Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan. It's been 53 years since Ian Fleming created this British agent, and 007 still manages to look dapper, save the world, drink martinis, and get the girl(s) every time.

Not since Richie Rich has a teenager inspired so much envy. I wish I had a bank account filled with gold coins and the ability to zap my enemies. Being a Quidditch champion would be pretty cool too. This young wizard has integrity, loyal friends and he's powerful. What a combination.

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