Both Democrats and Republicans can agree that the comedy writing in Hollywood has stepped up a notch since Sarah Palin was added to the John McCain ticket. Here are some excerpts from around the dial.
NBC
"John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with Joe Biden until she can find Europe on a map." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at the UN next week, after learning that Sarah Palin was also invited. And after Hillary canceled, the group canceled Sarah Palin, saying they didn't want any politicians. Which is a shame, because this would have been Sarah Palin's first trip to the United Nations. Although to her credit, she has been to the International House of Pancakes." -Jay Leno
"For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'" --Jay Leno
"In Alaska, a political activist is trying to get Sarah Palin to release over 1,000 e-mails that she's withholding from public records. She won't release them. Yeah. Apparently, several of the e-mails went unanswered and have the subject line 'Mom, I need to talk to you about birth control.'" –Conan O'Brien
ABC
"President Bush met with John McCain and Barack Obama. John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, she lives right next to a bank." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe for oven-baked chicken." --Jimmy Kimmel
HBO
"This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the MILF." –Bill Maher
"She does know about international relations because she is right up there in Alaska, right next door to Russia." –FOX News Channel's Steve Doocy, gushing over Palin's qualifications, to which Jon Stewart quipped, "When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa."
CBS
"But the dirt is beginning to come out. Apparently, one of Sarah's first acts as Governor of Alaska was getting a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion. The Republican Party is okay with it, which is weird, because usually they ask themselves, 'How can we make our candidate more white?'" --Craig Ferguson
However David Letterman on CBS’ Late Night with David Letterman has been lethal in his verbal barbs. After an apparent snub by running mate John McCain, who cancelled on his show, Letterman brought out the big guns for the Alaskan Governor.
"Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in town. John McCain took her over to the U.N. to introduce her to all the world leaders. It looked like Take Your Daughter to Work Day." --David Letterman
"Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She's over there meeting all of the world leaders. She's still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville." --David Letterman
"I kind of like that Sarah Palin. You know, she reminds me, she looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi. No, you've had enough. We're landing. Looks like the waitress at the coffee shop who draws a little smiley face on your check. Have a nice day." --David Letterman
 |
