Movie Star Babies

Chubby-cheeked, saucer-eyed babies born to Hollywood's stars are taking over Southern California.

As I walked along the beach this morning, a couple of O.C. sun-worshippers jogged by and I caught snippets of their conversation. The women were talking about a globally relevant issue - celebrity babies and various starlets' due dates. I had to wonder, why is it that we seem to know more about babies conceived by people we are never likely to meet as opposed to those sprung by our own family members?

While it's true that chubby-cheeked, dimpled, saucer-eyed babes belonging to Hollywood's finest are taking over Southern California (at least it seems that way), it's not like childbirth has never happened before. You and I are proof of that. (It's just that when former child stars start having their first kids, you know the torch is about to be passed on: Fred Savage and his wife are expecting their first child in mid-summer; Melissa Joan Hart and Soleil Moon Frye have already had babies.)

Tinseltown's tiny toddlers are guaranteed a gloriously cushy life. They'll be enrolled in the best schools, sport the latest fashions, and never worry about having to pay the rent. They can grow up to be anything and hopefully will be more than nightclub crawlers.

What will become of Britney Spears' boy? Katie Holmes' and Tom Cruise's Scientologist offspring? Will Jennifer Garner's wee doll grow up to be a secret agent with many aliases? Will Rachel Weisz's bundle of joy inherit her thespian talent and grow up to rival the children of Russell Crowe and Danielle Spencer? Will Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale's babe have vocal chords to die for?

As Jackie Collins famously outlined in Hollywood Kids, it's difficult to be an adult child of rich, famous and powerful parents. There are so many drug overdoses and suicides, Collins says. Sad.

But long before the dog days of depression overtake them, these celebri-tots will be universally loved. If they're swathed in baby Versace or Prada, they'll draw even more admiring glances.

In the run-up to their babes' arrival, star mummys offer endless entertainment and speculation. There's the weight gain where the women start to resemble sumo wrestlers. They're probably eating for the first time in a decade so the ballooning can be impressive. We can bet on how crazy the names will be. Apple - OK; Kal-El - not OK. We can discuss whether or not the baby will be ugly or have an otherworldly gorgeousness courtesy its parents (yes, I'm talking about the forthcoming progeny of Brangelina). Will the baby resemble the postman or a high-profile publicist thus leading to a Hollywood break-up? Will mummy's tummy be flat in a week, three days or less? And, finally, how long will she stay away from the film set? Yes, the Baby Boom certainly makes for a good yakety-yak along the beach. And I, for one, am all ears.

celebrities@suite101.com